i will start by forgetting all of my old apartments in Milan
and then i will forget to make dinner
i will forget the laundry is in the wash
i will forget mothers birthday and then my own
followed by Christmas…
i will forget you
starting with your elbows and then your knees
…your hands
as well as the space between your shoulder blades
your eyes then your voice, which will fade slowly…
but it will all eventually go
the way of all the other things
one would think were unforgettable.
“my heart is holding steady
it is my arms that are breaking.”
language barriers:
so this is how you see me
shaking with vibrations from all the thoughts inside me
like shivers from the cold.
i speak a foriegn language.
and i don’t speak it very well.
it was conceived when God thought me up
and was contrived by years of hell.
it consists of common courtesies
and “i cant say this very well”
what day?
what time?
when do i find this?
what bus is waiting?
every day a question….
the clock goes around bringing around
another push and pull day….
the how to of how to stay
beating breathing loving
without self
the reach for and ebb of someone else
the mess of the heart
the wealth of your company
filling me up
and leaving me empty….
love makes the loudest sound
when starting up
and
breaking down..
it is the in-between
that plays
like a cello…
the steady engine hum…
into the still city
wanders everything i hope for…
while i sit…
all mess
all sorrow
head in hands…
the person i saw in the mirror this morning
is showing signs of wear
in all the wrong places…
it was the smile lines i wanted…
deep as canyons
how do I fight the darkness
when my hands are tied
… how does the heart survive…
without
…like a hungry bird
above the Salton Sea…
from this solitude
emerges the girl i once was
but it has been so long since i have seen her
and loved her
that i do not know how to begin again
